How do you tell your daughter her friends suck.

           I have a 9 year old and a 11 year old daughter. Everything up until this year was easy, no dramas, no fights and basically a group that got along. They go to a Charter School that goes from Kindergarten to 8th grade. There are 50 kids in each grade except Kindergarten, which has 40 kids. Most of these kids have been together since Kindergarten and more have been together since 1st grade.

My oldest is in 6th grade and got a couple of new girls this year. My daughter has been friends with the same group of kids since 1st grade. Most of the girls got along, of course there were occaisonal issues, but nothing big. Her best friend left for another school at the end of last year. She continued to hang out with the other girls. As this school year went on the group got smaller and smaller. One of the new girls got in with the group and within a week they started splitting apart.

My daughter remained with the new girl and her other friend. Everyday a different girl would have a problem with my daughter’s 2 friends. We were only getting information from one side, so we were kind of biased in our opinion. Others kids parents were freaking out on my daughters 2 friends. As the school year went on this continued to happen. My daughter was friends with these 2 girls but started hanging out with different girls. Even the attitude of the 2 girls changed.

It took the whole school year but they finally hurt my kid. My wife was warning my daughter that it would happen and it did. They screwed her good for a kid that they hate. This was the first time my daughter has ever yelled at one of her friends in anger. She wanted to hit her in the mouth. This is a girl she has been friends with since she was 5. My daughter ripped into the girl. The girl called my wife crying and my wife asked if she did what upset my daughter and she said she did. Then why are you crying she asked her.

The next day the girl asked my daughter if she was ok, but wouldnt talk to her. Since then my daughter has branched out and started talking with other kids. Quite a few girls asked if she was ok and said that the girl did the same thing to them. Girls that my daughter didn’t talk to because of her loyalty to her friend. It turns out my daughter gets along with all of them. We told her to branch out, make some new friends and move on.

As a parent you hate to see your kid hurt. But to say don’t hang out with that kid will only make her wantb that friend more. We always try to protect our kids but we can only do so much. I am proud of my daughter, I know she us hurting inside, but she just kept moving on. It takes a person with strong character to do that. She will find her way, now I just have to stay out of hers.

4 thoughts on “How do you tell your daughter her friends suck.

  1. Auntysocial

    When my daughter was that age, she had very similar issues with girls in her year only I was upfront and honest with her about those I knew were definitely ones to watch. I explained why I thought so as well so she could see things from where I was standing and learn how to be aware of the manipulative, vicious and controlling “friends” that are anything but.

    She’s now fifteen and totally her own person with a small group of very close friends I’m fond of and know are good, decent kids that share an equal ability to think for themselves and steer well clear from the herd.

    Your daughter will be fine but I wouldn’t shy away from being honest with her about your feelings towards any future “friends” you know aren’t worth sticking around for. 🙂

  2. I just flashed back to my own 5th grade experience! (37 years ago) There were three of us (the Three Musketeers) that were inseparable for a couple of years, but in 5th grade, one of my two friends went temporarily insane. Every day, she insisted that she would only be friends with me, while remaining best friends always with our third friend, for 20 minutes each day, to be determined at her whim when those 20 minutes would be. It was very hurtful to me. By the time we reached high school, she admitted her temporary insanity and said, “What was I thinking?” But that’s just it, she wasn’t. It’s those darn preteen/tween/middle school years! Seriously. I was an educator and kids are not always entirely human during this season. Hang in there! Soon enough the drama will be a distant memory. Of course, that doesn’t mean the kids get off for bad behavior. We still guide and discipline our own, as it sounds like you are doing very well. I’d like to make a recommendation to all tween/preteen/middle school parents out there, if I may. We’ve been reading a great new book that we are really excited about, so I just have to share. It’s called “MiddleSchool: The Inside Story- What Kids Tell Us, But Don’t Tell You,” by Cynthia Tobias and Sue Acuna. It has interviews and feedback from middle schoolers, parents and teachers (and a little humor) to help us deal with tackling social media, technology, Internet, gaming, faith, purity, puberty, communication, independence, discipline and accountability, and deepening and strengthening positive, loving relationship. It’s so rich in valuable help as we face these transitional years with our kids. I think
    everyone with a middle schooler or who will have a middle schooler will benefit
    from it. I highly recommend it!

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